Who am I?

Huldeygarde, but I go by Huldey, I am the younger sister in the family around the age of 25-35. I am lonely and desperate for attention. I see myself as a tragic heroine in a gothic romance, admired, the centre of attention and experiences the growth and triumph of a heroine however in reality, I am neglected, petty and slowly declines into madness as a character. My story is tragic however I do not become a heroine, my loneliness breaks me. 

What time is it?

It is between the 1840’s and 60’s and exists outside of normal perception of time. I explain that time passes differently on the moors. Despite this being the norm for me and having grown up this way my whole life, this adds to my psychological decline. I use a very confusing way of keeping time in my diary (the day changes when I have a new thought) which detaches me more and more from reality. Furthermore, every day is practically the same, I have nothing to do and nowhere to go so I am used to the repetitive structure meaning I can’t progress or move forward as a person, I am trapped.

Where am I?

I live in a crumbling estate on the English Moors. It is large and very isolated. The home is very dark and empty where every room looks the same. My house is completely surrounded by the Moors which are vast and barren however I find beauty in it.

What surrounds me?

The rooms in my house appear dim, cold, colourless and with very little if any comfort which makes it look opposite to a comfortable domestic space. I have it explained to me by Emilie that every room looks the same however I don’t see that. This house is all I have known growing up. 

What are the given circumstances?

Scene 1:

I live in an isolated house on the English moors with my sister Agatha, maid Mallory/Marjory and am awaiting the arrival of the governess Emilie. My father has just died, and Agatha is left in charge. I am unsure of what has happened to my brother Master Branwell however I assume that he is dead or missing, I trust whatever my sister says as it’s all I know. I am in the lifeless parlour of the isolated house where I am cut off from the rest of society. I have been sitting waiting for the arrival of the governess. I am desperate to be listened to as I fear I will remain lonely and unseen for the rest of my life. 

Scene 2: 

It is shortly after Emilie’s arrival, and I have gone to see her in her bedroom. I am desperate to make her like me, and use many tactics to win her over, such as, showing off about my diary, describing what there is to love about the moors (dangerous and beautiful- exactly how I want it), and using flattery. I am unaware that she doesn’t feel the same way as I am way too excited which makes me very intense, I am mostly interested in reading her my diary and getting her to have her own.

Scene 4:

I am in the second sitting room, later that day, feeling more neglected than before after Emilie’s rejection which makes me even more dedicated to making Emilie like me, so I try my best to play a ‘good hostess’. I am mesmerised by Emilie whilst also trying to combat the clear tension between her and Agatha, I can’t have her like Agatha more than me.

What are my relationships?

Agatha- my older sister, I feel overpowered by her and wish to have the life and power she has. I envy her for the attention that she gets from Emilie which makes her competition, however, I am powerless against her, she makes me feel worthless.

Emilie- I see Emilie as an opportunity for the attention that I have been longing for, I am desperate to become friends with her however the feelings aren’t reciprocated, which leaves me feeling outshined by her.

Marjory/Mallory- I see the maid as beneath me, I barely acknowledge her existence until I need to use her to read my writing. I begin to be shaped by her as she fills my head with thoughts of fame, she uses me to get what she wants.

The Mastiff- Similar to the maid, I don’t really acknowledge him until I need him and then reject him when his thoughts outshine mine.

What do I want?

I want to be remarkable and famous. I want someone, preferably everyone, but at least on person, preferably who is educated and likes to read and write like me, to notice me, to be my friend and take me out of my sister’s shadow. When Emilie arrives, she becomes that opportunity, I want to win her over and have her prefer me to Agatha. 

What’s in my way?

•  Agatha, she hold so much power over me, she controls the household and therefore me too, I have no freedom whilst everyone listens to her.
•  Emilie isn’t who I imagined she’d be. I expected her to admire me however she gets sucked in by Agatha and doesn’t really like me from the start. 
• I have no prospects, I have no job, skills, power in the house and no social worth.
• The house, I am trapped here on the moors, away from society. I long for tragedy, drama and romance but that is nowhere to be found in the depressing house.
• Myself, my delusion and narcissism stops me from being liked, especially by Emilie.

What do I do to get what I want?

• I am performative, every emotion I express is turned up, especially sadness to make people see me as tragic and feel bad for me.
• I attach myself to Emilie, bombarding her with questions.
• My diary, I am very proud of it and believe that if Emile, or anyone for that matter were to read it they would admire me.
• I resort to violence when these tactic don’t work.