(Potential) Dyspraxia and Autism in the rehearsal room

Introduction

This portfolio documents and reflects on my development of the Wonderful Town performance project (SHR7C011G). As an autistic artist currently being assessed for dyspraxia, this portfolio focuses on the challenges associated with dyspraxia and autism distinct anxiety in the rehearsal room. The portfolio is divided into five main sections, as follows: 

Section A: Context for performance project.

Section B: My individual creative practice. 

Section C: My experience as a collaborator. 

Section D: Strengths and weaknesses associated with dyspraxia and autism distinct anxiety, and how to develop these. 

Section E: Managing autism distinct anxiety in the rehearsal room. 

Note: I do not categorise dyspraxia and autism distinct anxiety as “weaknesses” because they are inalterable aspects of identity and therefore such categorisation feels inappropriate. However, I categorise the issues associated with these conditions (e.g. co-ordination, lack of rhythm, avoidance) as weaknesses because they can be improved with application. 

Section A: Context for performance project

In my opinion, the development of the Wonderful Town performance project was challenging, resulting in inferior work. This was because of the following reasons, which I have outlined as context for the anxiety discussed throughout the portfolio:

• I would characterise the rehearsal period as unorganised and unstructured with no clear leadership. Autistic individuals thrive on structure, clear communication, and clear expectations, and lack of these usually causes anxiety. I did not manage anxiety well and had an avoidance response, choosing mostly to focus on other projects and my own creative work (e.g. London to Broadway and paywall) as these provided structure and clarity.
• Except for some students, the group dynamic of MA Company was toxic; this fostered a culture of blame, negativity, cynicism, bullying, and laziness. Autistic people can struggle with social situations, and this environment was a landmine. I was anxious in the rehearsal room; while I was able to make choices and offers on a small scale (for example, in my scene with Fanny), I did not feel safe to make choices or offers generally. 

Section B: My individual creative practice

As an artist, my work focuses on acting, writing, storytelling, and (very) small-scale producing. I chose to train in musical theatre, however, because I believe singing and strong movement/dancing skills are assets for any performer. During my time at Leeds Conservatoire, I was assessed by disability support, scoring highly for dyspraxia. Dyspraxia or Developmental Co-ordination Disorder (DCD) is a neurological condition that “affects motor coordination… people with dyspraxia may also have associated difficulties with speech, language, perception, and thought.” (Medigold, Dyspraxia) While I will not be officially assessed until (long) after I have graduated, I relate to many symptoms of dyspraxia and these explain some of my long-standing issues in both singing and dancing, which include: 

1. Difficulty learning rhythms and keeping tempo

Dyspraxia impacts ability to “feel” rhythm and therefore it is harder for dyspraxic people to learn and maintain rhythms and tempo. I noticed my rhythm issues quite a while ago; I asked several of my peers about their approaches to counting music. In nearly all cases, they said that they instinctually “feel” rhythm and tempo as an internal pulse and while they might have to study more complicated rhythms, their body “remembers” it after a while. I cannot relate at all; I do not feel rhythm as an internal pulse and my body doesn’t remember rhythm instinctually.  I believe this difference is explained by dyspraxia. 

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In Wonderful Town:

Bernstein provides an excellent opportunity to study complicated rhythms and syncopation. For example,  “Wrong Note Rag” is notably complex because: 

to achieve the whimsical and quirky mood… Bernstein uses the syncopated or ‘ragged’ rhythms of ragtime music…Bernstein not only captures the essence of that style but embellishes it with even more complex rhythmic entanglements. (Windrep)

As this was the first song we looked at, I had time to try different approaches to learning this material. These are some of the more effective approaches: 

• Recording the learning sessions: I recorded the session (see audio clip below) as we were first taught “Wrong Note Rag” and listened to this during my individual practice sessions.

While both approaches helped, I realised the following problems: 

• There was no opportunity for feedback on my analysis of the sheet music; I may have analysed sections incorrectly and wouldn’t be aware. 
• While I learned the rhythms for “Wrong Note Rag” using the recording, I stopped using the recording once they were learned and we did not revisit this song until the week before the performance. I had not retained the rhythms during this time, and furthermore, this was paired with brand new choreography that I was not familiar with; consequently, I did not perform the song accurately. Conversely, Darlin Eileen’ was the opposite experience; it had relatively straightforward rhythms, no staging, and was revisited often throughout the rehearsal process. For this song, studying the sheet music and learning session recording was sufficient. This would suggest that I should identify early in the process which songs/choreography are going to be most difficult and prioritise these. 

2. Limited perception of senses. 

Dyspraxic people can struggle with “understanding and interpreting different senses.” (Neuroknowhow) I believe this explains my previous struggles with accessing chest and mix voice. Again, I asked my peers about their approaches to accessing different registers, and again, it seems to be feeling-based. For example, most people can “feel” whether they are in head voice/mix/chest voice and even if they cannot access this easily at first, they find the relevant sensation during vocal exercises and aim to replicate these during performance. Much vocal pedagogy is sensation-based and this has not worked for me. I cannot feel when I am in head/mix/chest voice. Since realising this, I have removed the pressure to “feel” registers during singing practice, and consequently, my technique is improving rapidly. Now, I focus more on sound, consistency, and storytelling. 

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In Wonderful Town:

I find it difficult to learn songs accurately and quickly. I memorise words and melody easily but struggle with placement and rhythms, due to the inability to “feel” these instinctually. This was not a big issue on Wonderful Town as I didn’t have much singing on my track. However, I utilised the audition as an opportunity to learn new material quickly, without putting pressure on myself to “feel” something instinctually. This is the approach I took: 

• We were given two songs to choose from; “100 Easy Ways to Lose a Man” and “A Little Bit in Love”. By reading the sheet music and listening to a cast recording, I ascertained that “A Little Bit in Love” had easier rhythms and a slower tempo, so I auditioned for Eileen. 
• One of the Musical Direction students created a guide track (see audio clip below) and I practiced with this, as this gave me an idea of how it would be played in the audition. 

• I listened to cast recordings and recognised that it is performed mostly in light mix/head voice, which matched my understanding of the style.  I then used a youtube channel (Tina’s Vocal Studio) and followed her vocal exercises for light mix/head voice; when doing this, I focused on sound and consistency, rather than sensation. I then applied these exercises to the song, prioritising sound and clarity. Finally, I incorporated the lyrics. I found it useful to record myself and listen back, because this provides immediate feedback. 

While I was not cast as a singing role, I found this approach helpful as I successfully learned the audition material in one day. There were, however, two main issues:

• It was extremely time-consuming and may have to be shortened if I have less time to prepare. 
• I felt the audition went well, but there was no opportunity for feedback so I may be unaware of inaccuracies. 

3. Difficulties with auditory processing. 

This continues from the second point, and may also be explained by autism (there is overlap in many of the symptoms of these conditions). Difficulties with auditory processing: 

Affects a person’s ability to understand auditory information…their brain is unable to process sounds in the normal way. It is quite common for people with dyslexia, dyspraxia, ADHD or autism to also experience audio processing difficulties. (Medigold, APD)

I had a revelation while preparing for the dance section of the Skills for the Musical Theatre performer industry panel assessment. I knew the choreography, but my rhythm and musicality were lacking and I found it impossible to count the introduction. When I practiced alone (and with earphones), I realised the track had a bass line and vocals. The room we practiced in had poor acoustics, and my experience was typical of dyspraxia wherein “individuals have difficulty distinguishing sounds from background noise.” (NeuroKnowhow) The solution (in my case) was to familiarise myself with the music, focusing on rhythm and musicality. Additionally, wearing loop earplugs during the assessment filtered out background noise, so I could focus on the track. While this was appropriate for an assessment, loop earplugs are an issue during performance unless they suit character /time period/ style, which is not the case for Wonderful Town.

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4. Co-ordination

The defining symptom of DCD is reduced motor performance, and I have always struggled with movement and choreography. While I can learn choreography quickly, I have to practice a lot to replicate the movement accurately. 

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In Wonderful Town:

This project was very difficult to navigate with audio processing issues; we rarely had a pianist throughout the rehearsal process, so we choreographed and learned according to cast recordings (which were quite different to the score) and did not rehearse with the actual pianists until the week of the performance. Also, as most choreography was set later in the rehearsal process (mostly the week before/week of the performance), my anxiety had intensified  and I avoided the work. On reflection, I should have done the following: 

• Asked for the music to be recorded by the Musical Direction students, as I could familiarise myself with this during the rehearsal period,  and I could have suggested we choreographed to these more accurate recordings. 
• Kaz (the choreographer) filmed the learning sessions (see videos below) and I should have used these in my individual rehearsals.  
• Practiced choreography by myself, rather than avoiding it (even with the time pressure, this would have helped)
• Given myself more time to transition from rehearsing with loop earplugs to performing without them. 

I recognise that I did not make the most of this opportunity as I did not manage anxiety well. In Section E, I outline my plan for managing anxiety more effectively in future. 

Section C: My experience as a collaborator

I enjoyed the Introduction to Collaborative Practice module; I have worked to develop my skillset as a collaborator and I am collaborating on multiple projects for the Leeds Theatre Festival. I found it difficult to collaborate meaningfully on the Wonderful Town performance project, mainly because the rehearsal room was hostile. Upon reflection, I recognise that I successfully collaborated on a small scale:

• I was committed to the project, as I had a health setback during the rehearsal process and had to take time off from my timetabled classes. I chose to prioritise and attended all of the Wonderful Town rehearsals. 
• I worked well with my scene partner, Fanny, and took leadership when I realised her solo song had not been staged. Even though I do not like to direct/stage material, we scheduled extra time to play with movement so she had an opportunity to practice her song and ground her performance in acting choices. This also meant I was able to support her in the scene and make acting choices that supported her storytelling. This was fun, and I enjoyed this collaboration. (See video 4)

Despite these small successes, I need to learn to manage anxiety better so that I can be a better collaborator on future projects. 

Section D: Strengths and weaknesses associated with dyspraxia and how to develop these.

During the development of the Wonderful Town performance project, I identified several strengths and weaknesses: 

Strengths: 

1. Problem solving: I have tried many approaches to alleviating issues associated with dyspraxia. As many of these approaches don’t work, I have to be resilient in finding the next potential solution. 
2. Work Ethic: I invest time and effort in learning material and performing to a high standard. 
3. Commitment: Despite my anxiety, I attended every rehearsal in full and learned all the material, even if it didn’t necessarily translate to the performance. 

I will develop my strengths by taking more leadership roles in future projects, and I have been made Assistant Stage Manager for The Other Frances. 

Weaknesses: 

1. Difficulty learning rhythms and keeping tempo
2. Limited perception of senses (and therefore, struggling to find proper placement when singing)
3. Auditory processing difficulties 
4. Co-ordination
5. Struggling to cope with anxiety (see section E)

Following these reflections, I have made a chart identifying ways to develop my weaknesses for my creative practice and future projects.

Weakness	Remedial Action	Reason for this action	Frequency
Rhythm learning	Learn to play piano and improve sheet music reading skills.	This will make it easier to recognise rhythm patterns and drill complicated rhythm patterns.	Daily.
Rhythm learning	Continue attending tap dance classes.	I found my tap dance classes beneficial for physicalising (and therefore, understanding) rhythms.	Weekly
Rhythm learning	Working on songs with complicated rhythms (e.g. Sondheim and Jason Robert Brown) in singing lessons.	While this will be more labour intensive for me, this will provide ample opportunity to analyse rhythms in a safe space.	Daily
Tempo	Practice with a metronome.	Rehearsing with a metronome will ensure the tempo is correct and consistent throughout the song.	When learning new material.
Learning to sing without sensation.	Practice vocal drills daily, focusing on what gives useful feedback.	While I cannot perceive sensations, I can hear different qualities in my voice and aim to create these consistently and easily.	Daily
Learning to sing without sensation	Record singing and listen for feedback	This will give feedback when singing.	When learning new material
Audio Processing	Wear loop earplugs when learning/rehearsing choreography	This allows me to filter background noise and focus on the rhythm and musicality.	When learning choreography/rehearsing movement
Audio Processing	Schedule time to transition from rehearsal with loop earplugs to performance without them.	It is unlikely that loop earplugs will fit the character/time period/style of most productions.	When preparing for a performance.
Audio Processing	If possible, listen to recordings of the material as it will be played for performance.	Can listen to the music with earphones and become familiar with the music ahead of rehearsals.	When preparing for a performance.
Co-ordination	Practice choreography individually and drill difficult sections and transitions	I need more time to learn choreography and figure out co-ordination.	When learning new material.
Co-ordination	Continue attending dance classes, particularly jazz and ballet.	This structured environment will give me the opportunity to work on co-ordination in a safe space.	2 x weekly.

Section E: Managing autism distinct anxiety in the rehearsal room.

Upon reflection, I need to cope better with anxiety; while this will be a long-term effort over the course of my career, I have identified the following potential approaches. These are based off the main triggers for anxiety during this performance project, which were:  

• Unorganised and unstructured rehearsal room
• Lack of clear leadership (and therefore, expectations)
• Toxic social dynamic. 

Unorganised and unstructured rehearsal room

The nature of theatremaking means that it can, at times, seem or be unstructured and unorganised, which causes anxiety for me. As I thrive on structure and routine, I would benefit from making my time around the rehearsals structured and predictable, which would balance anxiety. 

For example, a rehearsal day for The Other Frances might look like this: 

Wake up at same time every day (e.g.  6 am)

Go to the gym, doing the same exercises every day. 

Have the same breakfast every day.

Get the same coffee from the same coffee shop every day.

Arrive at rehearsal room at the same time every day (e.g. 9 am)

9.30 am - 5 pm: Rehearsal and embracing the chaos of the rehearsal room

5.30 pm: Book a rehearsal room and do vocal drills to decompress (I find this regulating)

7.00 pm: Go home and decompress. 

10:00 pm: Sleep at the same time every day. 

This should reduce anxiety without hindering the creative process. 

Lack of clear leadership

During the Wonderful Town performance project, leadership and expectations were not clear and this was anxiety inducing. This problem will be alleviated for The Other Frances, as Rachel Halliwell is an experienced director clearly assigned to the project. 

• For future projects, I may seek leadership opportunities which would develop my strengths and mitigate some anxiety around unclear leadership. As I have been assigned Assistant Stage Manager for The Other Frances, I will utilise this as an opportunity to explore leadership. As I intend to approach The Other Frances in an organised way (e.g. sending schedules in a timely manner, being responsible for props, discouraging unexplained lateness/absence), I will be influential in setting and maintaining expectations.

Toxic Social Dynamics

Unfortunately, this is the hardest trigger to assuage. However, these are the steps I can take if/when I encounter this issue on future projects. 

• Raising the issue to leadership, if possible. 
• Discussing the issue in occupational therapy and coming up with a daily plan for management and stress release. 
• Exploring ways to separate the toxic environment from the rest of my life. 

While a toxic environment is stressful and anxiety-inducing, these measures will help me work at a higher standard and contribute more meaningfully to the creative process. 

Conclusion

I have learned a lot from my experience during the Wonderful Town performance project. This was a safe space for me to explore the challenges associated with dyspraxia, experiment with solutions for these challenges on-the-job, and brainstorm ideas for more long-term development. This project also highlighted anxiety as an area for improvement and while I did not manage anxiety well during this experience, I have developed a plan for mitigating anxiety on future projects. Additionally, this portfolio has identified my strengths (problem-solving, work ethic, and commitment), which gives me the confidence to develop further as I serve as Assistant Stage Manager on The Other Frances. 

Bibliography

Medigold Health | Dyspraxia: Neurodiversity Toolkit Factsheet. Available online:

 < https://www.uhb.nhs.uk/Downloads/pdf/DyspraxiaNeurodiversityToolkit.pdf> [Accessed: 27th April 2026].

Medigold Health | Auditory Processing Disorder (APD)  Available online:

<https://www.uhb.nhs.uk/Downloads/pdf/AuditoryProcessingDisorderNeurodiversityToolkit.pdf >[Accessed: 27th April 2026].

Neuroknowhow | Dyspraxia and DCD information. Available online:

 <https://neuroknowhow.com/resources/dyspraxia/>  [Accessed: 27th April 2026].

Wind Repertory Project | Wrong Note Rag Available online:

 <https://www.windrep.org/Wrong_Note_Rag> [Accessed: 27th April 2026].

Youtube |Tina’s Vocal Studio Available online:

<https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNGhuJfSwnqTc4tK0Hsu9Mw> [Accessed: 27th April 2026].