I have found creative practice workshop intense and challenging. But despite these being exciting characteristics for a class I found it difficult to engage with. I was really inspired, being offered to experiment with synthesizers and collaborate with musicians from different backgrounds. In hindsight I wish I applied myself more so I could have the experience I am lucky to have. In this essay I am going to discuss my contribution to a creative project we worked on, using critical insights towards the creative process and evaluate the outcome.

Going into university consistently has not gone as planned. I thought external challenges I am facing would have minor impact, but they had snowballed into a sticky situation. I find going in overwhelming- a lot of good impressions to make and standards to meet. I put unnecessary pressure on myself, I forgot why I’m here and what I am capable of. Meeting a group of musicians in the same boat should have motivated me, working that muscle getting into this way of life, but with putting too much on my plate to do, I set myself up for failure. Next term I have an idea of how I should improve how I spend my time. I enjoyed speaking with people from the class such as when I learned about what Carlie does as a classical violinist, and how he was teaching Thea, a pop singer, how to play. I got to hear what Callum did as a garage DJ. The range of influence was a challenge but inspiring. I learned a lot witnessing James’ free style of creativity, how spontaneously he makes music. He encouraged us to write down any idea because even if you thought it was bad it might not actually be, and he suggested thinking outside the box. I like the open perspective he gives music.

My contribution was starting off the story, even though I didn’t share the progression. Me and Thea used the melody Jack had created on his saxophone, we added a harmony, splitting the low and high parts between us. We did this by improvising melodies and words. I found it hard being the only one studying songwriting to the group, this put some eyes on me to initiate the lyric writing, I felt uncomfortable doing this as I am a beginner myself- I was too scared to be vulnerable. I didn’t know how to show up for the group so out of fear I didn’t, teaching me that the only way I progress is out of my comfort zone.

 Charlie had said to me that he ‘didn’t think many people wanted to attend because ‘it is a big challenge and most of the people aren’t used to using their instruments in that way, being used to reading sheet music and performing what is written.’ Thea had told me that she was new to music and asked if I could show her my songs and how I write them. These comments from my classmates made this challenge even bigger in my head, something I feel to be stronger and more resilient against after learning to persist. Callum felt like her wasn’t sure how a garage DJ could contribute to a room mostly of classical musicians, this sparks a lot of ideas about what is possible in collaborations. He asked me if I wanted to write some lyrics for a garage song. I hope I am not sabotaging myself too much and his offer may still stand later because that is a fun project and I think what this class is about.

To my knowledge, our project was never fully finished. The last recording I am aware of had the instruments playing the chord progression, drummer with a developed version of the original jazzy beat and vocals. We started by writing down ideas between us whilst the instruments jammed. We liked how it felt lumbering and slightly spooky. It is why I started writing the lyrics about a man who was very materialistic, turning him to solitude. It was a long chord progression, I liked how it felt a bit off, and how the lyrics were reflecting this.

 Me and Thea discussed the story with the group and this collaboration led the two of us to write outside class which was enriching and confidence boosting!  The project didn’t have any variety, It was the same all the way through, but it has potential because of its interesting nature and story line. I think that if we all let loose and put some energy in we could have made it come together. The structure was prominent in convocation, we made the part we recorded the chorus because its catchy, next we looked at changing the speed and mood of the song for a bridge.

I also learned that I need to make goals, like writing good songs, a gradual, building up momentum, incorporating a range of exercises, to increase my stamina so that I write more often, consistently and confidently with others. The number of songs I write is continuously increasing with time, and as it does this, I see how it frees up my creativity and continues the cycle. I believe that doing this sooner would have helped me contribute and be more of a team player. Doing assignments and attending the days I did highlighted that for me to apply myself I need to have a healthy routine looking after myself, it helps me be confident and therefore put my best foot forward. Challenging this critical inner voice and writing regardless of if I feel like it has helped me, so has identifying when I am procrastinating or lying to myself and I challenge that too. Easier said than done, but it also gets easier with time.

Going forward, my plan is to go easy into a routine where I have set achievable goals, so that I have a healthy foundation on which to build more productive habits. These need to be easily accessible and to rewarding myself after, using dopamine to motivate me. I will work on creating and knowledge over summer, then I will use learned points such as, which goals are unachievable, what I truly want from university and how to have less fear, to write an achievable plan going forward into university. One that is freeform and loose to follow to prevent me feeling restricted but holds form so that I can stick to it and achieve what I desire.